It's not a denial..

Living miles away from someone we love, can be a lot of trouble if we weren't prepared..
I guessed I was well-prepared,, but I realized I weren't.. All of my experiences dealing with this particular phrase have all gone wrong, miserable, and totally useless to my situation I'm in right now. All of my efforts seem to have no progress and it feels like I need to cope as soon as possible, just to make everything go back to its track. Well I'm a kind of person who can't literally speak up about my feelings when I'm on the phone. I guess I'm a freak when it comes to feelings. I had this sort of routines that I usually do to make people think that I'm strong enough to live without them, I don't do much conversations and chit-chats with them. Because the more I heard their voices, the more I miss them, and the more I can't stand to live alone, miles away from them.
This is how I survived my past 6 years at Manado, and now I hate to say it, but I must, try to do it here in Jakarta. But I don't think that this is a right decision to make, and I think I just can't stand it no more. I hate to say it, but I did cry in the nights, just to let it all out and I can speak again on the phone. And so it happens to be lots of "uuuummm.." In my calls. And I hate that.. I just feel totally bad about it.. Uuummmmm... It feels like I can't say what I wanted to say, just like something stucked in my mouth and won't come out.
I don't wanna deny that maybe I'm just running away from the truth.. But the truth is I miss you so much that I can't tell.. I miss you so bad that even hearing your voice will make me cry.. I need you badly here.. I love you..
Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone from Sinyal Bagus XL, Nyambung Teruuusss...!