funeralophobic???

funeralophobic,, wheeewww.. what kind of word was that?? it's a new vocab on my 'created' list.. since i am one.. dari dulu gue paling nggak bisa ke tempat yang namanya mengusung suasana kedukaan,, paling nggak bisa, paling kalo keluarga deket aja baru dipaksain pergi, jadinya baru pergi... itu pun gue bakal sit down calmly and silently.. orang2 pada mikir it's bcoz i'm afraid of the corpse inside the coffin.. but really, i never afraid of them and i totally have no fear on such things,, those mystical ones, but i really can't stand seeing all the pain inside.. it feels like sadness and mourning all the way from the entrance through the backdoor, and i just can't take it... it makes me sick, and can't breathe.. it's just, the tears atmosphere is just way too strong there..
maybe i look tough and rough outside, but inside, i'm blue.. blue and very fragile..