aren't we all human?

all these days, i've beenasking this question, aren't we all human? the normal human who has emotions inside, the normal human who still can do mistakes, just like the others.. ahh,, it's so hard being a med student nowadays, when people seem to live a very hi-tech life, a very intelligent life, so that they start to think that a doctor is equal to God, so that they can play on one's life..
I HATE THAT THOUGHTS!!! but what came to my hearings and sight were this kind of stereotyping that makes a doctor looks like a god or something like that, and make the doctor can never enjoy the life itself, since lots of pressure coming inside, and sure, sometimes we really wanna give up.. but everytime we did, there are always people pumping up our spirit, the spirit to never give up on those kinds of situation.. i thank those people who favor us to get through the hard times... thank you people, you know who you are... i'm just hoping that i will do better next time ( i guess i should, rite..???) *grin*

funeralophobic???

funeralophobic,, wheeewww.. what kind of word was that?? it's a new vocab on my 'created' list.. since i am one.. dari dulu gue paling nggak bisa ke tempat yang namanya mengusung suasana kedukaan,, paling nggak bisa, paling kalo keluarga deket aja baru dipaksain pergi, jadinya baru pergi... itu pun gue bakal sit down calmly and silently.. orang2 pada mikir it's bcoz i'm afraid of the corpse inside the coffin.. but really, i never afraid of them and i totally have no fear on such things,, those mystical ones, but i really can't stand seeing all the pain inside.. it feels like sadness and mourning all the way from the entrance through the backdoor, and i just can't take it... it makes me sick, and can't breathe.. it's just, the tears atmosphere is just way too strong there..
maybe i look tough and rough outside, but inside, i'm blue.. blue and very fragile..

Nistanya Cinta...

Aku ingin bertanya, kepada kalian hai wanita,
Apakah ini yang namanya CINTA..?? karna aku tak tahu..
" aku menyukai seorang lelaki yang nampaknya sekarang telah menjadi milik temanku"
Kadang aku merasa BENCI, jijik, NAJiS, kepada perasaan ini..

Ingin rasanya kubuang jauh-jauh perasaan ini, demi mendapat sahabat sejati

Sekian lama aku berusaha, mencoba mengubur segala rasa,
hilangkan gundah di jiwa
Di saat goresan tinta cinta itu hampir menghilang,
tiba-tiba ia hadir kembali menorehkan tinta itu lagi, dalam relung hati..
Aku tidak menyukai perasaanku sendiri..

Nista rasanya cinta ini..

philophobic

gue nggak tau sejujur2nya apa yang membuat gue jadi kayak gini lagi.. terseret lagi dalam pusaran ini.. sesungguhnya gue udah ngerti banget soal perasaan ini, perasaan ingin memiliki dan dimiliki, yang tidaklah seharusnya berada di hati ini. sometimes i HATE this feeling, it feels like HELL inside.. Gosh, i don't know how to act and react to get through all of these feelings, hmm.. Sometimes i think, am I philophobic becoz of him??? i don't wanna be one, but seems like everything shows me that I AM PHILOPHOBIC.. it's just so not me, remembering i have lots of boy friends (but not BFs..)

hmmmphhh, i still dont know what exactly i'm feeling inside..? why should all this happening to me? i'm still a normal girl with a normal wish, a wish about loving and being loved... tiap kali gue liat foto mereka berdua, it's like a real pain in the ass tho'!!! tapi mau ngga mau yah gue sih trima2 aja.. but i'm kinda afraid of falling in love again, it really tears me into pieces.. and so hard to get it back again...

here i am...

"here i am
still longing for the same game
never feel sorry to be ashamed
though it makes me look so lame
far away from a picturesque of the dame
the one who win the game
the one to make me have no shame
the one who make his heart tame
whose heart always be my blame...
now, maybe i'm still the same
the dame whose heart has lost the flame..."